Here’s the deal. My sister-in-law’s sister is relocating to Milwaukee and found this great apartment on Craiglist that is for rent. She replied to the listing, and received this response. It’s too good not to post.

Hello,
It is a great pleasure that you are interested in our apartment for rent. Actually we resided in the apartment before we move and presently we have packed out due to my transfer as a matter of my profession on a Missionary Mission at (The Synagogue, Church Of All Nations) which am serving for a long term and now our apartment is locked up and presently we have found a new apartment here which we will be staying for a very long term which might last 5 years in (West Africa) and presently our charming apartment is still available for rent for ($700)as first month rent including the utilities like hydro,washer,fenced yard,fireplace and internet access. The first month deposit & security deposit fee($900) comes up as the first down payment you will make only to receive the keys and other neccesary documents you will use in moving into our apartment,so after the payment the keys and other documents will be ship to your full home address via fedex. Moreso,Now that we on Missionary Mission programme over here Please I want you to note that the deposit fee is refundable and also we will want a very honest and caring  person because i spent a lot on my property that i want to give you for rent,so i will solicit for your absolute understanding and maintenance of this apartment and want you to treat it as your own,I hope that is taken,The money is not the main problem but i want you to keep it tidy always.I also want you to let me have trust in you as i always stand on my word.  Here is my cell phone number so feel free to call me anytime : 011-234-802-973-2557  or +234-802-973-2557.
 
TAKE NOTE: YOU CAN ONLY DRIVE BY AND SEE MY APARTMENT FROM THE OUTSIDE AND IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN RENTING GET THE APPLICATION FORM FILLED OUT AND SEND IT BACK TO ME SO THAT I CAN FORWARD YOU MY FULL INFORMATIONS TO MAKE THE REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER SO THAT I CAN SHIP MY KEYS TO YOU FOR YOU BE ABLE TO GO AND LOOK AT THE INSIDE OR MOVE IN IMMEDIATELY. I WOULD HAVE REALLY LOVE TO SHIP THE KEYS TO SOMEONE IN STATE BUT I DON’T HAVE ANYBODY THERE RIGHT NOW AND I DON’T WANT TO MAKE USE OF ANY THIRD PARTY THAT IS WHY AM HANDLING MY PROPERTY MYSELF.
 
Monthly rent fee: $700
Requirement to move in just the first month and security deposit fee: $900.
Sq feet: 1292 sq ft.
Car Park: 2.
Fully furnished and all utilities included in your monthly rent.
 
SO IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED PLEASE GET BACK TO ME WITH THE RENT APPLICATION FORM  FILLED.                                            
                                             
                                        ***RENT APPLICATION FORM***
1)Your Full Name…………………..?
2)Full home address & Phone number…………………………..?
3)How old are you…………………….?
4)Are you married……………………….? 
5)How many people will be living in the house……………………….?
6)Do you have a car………………………..?
7)When do you intend to make payment of deposit fee……………………………?
8)how long will you be staying …………………………….?
9)When are you packing in to our house……………………..? 
10)Occupation………………………..?
11)Do you work late night………………………..? 
 
Pets Policy: All kind of Pets Allowed. 
 
Thanks and God bless you

 

The application is a riot, don’t you agree? I almost expect the next question would be:

12) Are you guillable……………?

My husband is particularly fond of the Missionary Mission, and the Synagogue Church bit.

Do not worry, she did not send in a security deposit!